Wednesday, September 10, 2014

Peaceful Contentment and my short fuse....

I must admit that I have a temper.  A short fuse some would call it.  Only those who are quite close to me would have any inkling to it, they are the ones who are at the end of it.

It is funny, after all these years of yoga and study, I still fell like I am at the beginning of my process. The process of releasing myself from the material, the attachment for praise, the attachment to drama, the attachment to making more and more money.  It just seems so human, so real to be attached to these things.  Why must they make me miserable?  The more I strive, the worse I feel, the more angry I become because I don't have something or I cannot afford something.

It is no one but myself who gets to change this.  Every morning I wake up, go to the mat and do pranayama.  Some days still I get frustrated. Frustrated that I am up, frustrated that I cannot make my breath smooth enough, frustrated that my fingers still do not cooperate in digital pranayama. I stay the course and by the end I always feel better, the actions are always coming.  Little by little.
I keep thinking one of these days the breath will cleanse away all my anger and I will come out of the yoga room a new human, a more compassionate human, someone who does not get mad so easily.

Last year about this time I started reading the Bhagavad Gita.  I finished it quickly, realizing how amazing it really is.  Now I am on to The Bhagavad Gita for Daily Living, by Eknath Easwaran. There are 3 big volumes, the first entitled The End of Sorrow.  Wow! What a title! I think to myself.....this is it!  My answer to cure the anger, the resentment, and the sadness I feel. 

It may not be a quick fix, but I will tell you that it is helping. It helps to know I am human first of all.  Everyone gets mad, sad, some go into a hole and wallow, some of us want everyone around us to know how we really feel, we actually want them to feel it! Eknath Easwaran has a unique way of blending many different spiritual viewpoints to bring the Gita to life.  It is not just about one persons religion or another person's non-religion, he writes on how we can cultivate a sense of peace in ourselves and in the world.

This morning I got to the end of the first chapter and here is what he says,

 "When we meditate every morning we are putting on armor for the day's battle against our own impatience, inadequacy, resentment, and hostility. Of course, it is going to be extremely painful and distressing when we have to put all around us first and ourselves last, but at night when we go to bed there is such a fierce joy in the knowledge that we have contributed in some measure to the joy and growth of our family and community, even though we have suffered deeply ourselves......In inspiring words, Sri Krishna will rouse us to action by reminding us that our real Self is pure, perfect, and untainted, no matter what our past errors.  It does not matter what mistakes we may have committed or what trouble we may have brought on ourselves and others out of ignorance; if we surrender ourselves completely to the Lord of Love who is always present in the depths of our consciousness, we will discover that these mistakes never touched us. We can throw away the ugly ego mask at last if we will turn our face to the Lord, take to meditation, and do everything possible to bring peace and security to our world."