Today is the the day.....I swear.

It is funny,  I get up every Friday and say today is the day to write.  To share with the world my thoughts, my opinions, and whatever else may be on my mind. The last couple months I am not sure you would want to know either of the above.

So, today really was the day I wanted to get back on the horse of the cathartic writing wagon and get going again.

The last 3 days I have been inspired to awake early and practice.  I typically go for a walk, then barely have time for my inversions.  There are a couple people in particular who have inspired me to do this.  They seem to find the time to practice for 2-3 hours every day and never complain about how early they get up.  I have found the same to be true for myself. I have gotten up, gone to the mat and been pleasantly surprised of the outcome. I am not sluggish to get going. It is as if my body has been waiting for this!

I ask the question though, when do I do pranayama? The last year I have been doing pranayama faithfully every morning around 6:45am.  Do I do it before my practice? After?  I have played with both this week.  I guess it will just take some time to figure out the right time for me.

Happy Friday, Happy Halloween.

Peaceful Contentment and my short fuse....

I must admit that I have a temper.  A short fuse some would call it.  Only those who are quite close to me would have any inkling to it, they are the ones who are at the end of it.

It is funny, after all these years of yoga and study, I still fell like I am at the beginning of my process. The process of releasing myself from the material, the attachment for praise, the attachment to drama, the attachment to making more and more money.  It just seems so human, so real to be attached to these things.  Why must they make me miserable?  The more I strive, the worse I feel, the more angry I become because I don't have something or I cannot afford something.

It is no one but myself who gets to change this.  Every morning I wake up, go to the mat and do pranayama.  Some days still I get frustrated. Frustrated that I am up, frustrated that I cannot make my breath smooth enough, frustrated that my fingers still do not cooperate in digital pranayama. I stay the course and by the end I always feel better, the actions are always coming.  Little by little.
I keep thinking one of these days the breath will cleanse away all my anger and I will come out of the yoga room a new human, a more compassionate human, someone who does not get mad so easily.

Last year about this time I started reading the Bhagavad Gita.  I finished it quickly, realizing how amazing it really is.  Now I am on to The Bhagavad Gita for Daily Living, by Eknath Easwaran. There are 3 big volumes, the first entitled The End of Sorrow.  Wow! What a title! I think to myself.....this is it!  My answer to cure the anger, the resentment, and the sadness I feel. 

It may not be a quick fix, but I will tell you that it is helping. It helps to know I am human first of all.  Everyone gets mad, sad, some go into a hole and wallow, some of us want everyone around us to know how we really feel, we actually want them to feel it! Eknath Easwaran has a unique way of blending many different spiritual viewpoints to bring the Gita to life.  It is not just about one persons religion or another person's non-religion, he writes on how we can cultivate a sense of peace in ourselves and in the world.

This morning I got to the end of the first chapter and here is what he says,

 "When we meditate every morning we are putting on armor for the day's battle against our own impatience, inadequacy, resentment, and hostility. Of course, it is going to be extremely painful and distressing when we have to put all around us first and ourselves last, but at night when we go to bed there is such a fierce joy in the knowledge that we have contributed in some measure to the joy and growth of our family and community, even though we have suffered deeply ourselves......In inspiring words, Sri Krishna will rouse us to action by reminding us that our real Self is pure, perfect, and untainted, no matter what our past errors.  It does not matter what mistakes we may have committed or what trouble we may have brought on ourselves and others out of ignorance; if we surrender ourselves completely to the Lord of Love who is always present in the depths of our consciousness, we will discover that these mistakes never touched us. We can throw away the ugly ego mask at last if we will turn our face to the Lord, take to meditation, and do everything possible to bring peace and security to our world."

 

My road to a Pranayama Practice

6 months in. 5 days a week. Lying down over my blankets every morning, even if I fall asleep.

Something changed yesterday, a glimmer of hope!  I felt energized after pranayama.  Typically it's just me gasping (or so it feels like) for air.  Today was the opposite, I rolled over feeling fatigue in my body and anxious in my belly and mind. I have been so surprised at how the practice of breathing can have such a profound effect. Just the act of being silent can either send me into a deep meditative state or make my skin crawl, the need to escape. 

Speaking of needing to escape......

That's something I'm really good at. I dig myself a deep hole, crawl into it, bring everybody with me, then that's when I make my escape. 

With this practice of pranayama there is no escape. You are with you and only you. The deepest parts if you come to the surface, wether or not you want them to.

I'll keep going even after days like today. Abhyasa and Vairagya.  Keep saying it......

Little by little I'm getting to know me

Yesterday I was quite sad about this week ending. I even sad harsh words to someone I love deeply. Upon going to bed I thought,"When will this stop? At what point will my words reflect what is going on inside?"  I guess it's my decision. Patricia said this week one of the hardest things to do is make a decision. It's true. We wake up everyday with amazing an opportunity to make our life what we want. 

I woke up this morning realizing I'm no longer sad about this intensive ending. Patricia Walden is a unique teacher who helps you realize we have all the tools we need to progress in this Art of Yoga. Discipline, compassion, humor, sensitivity, and determination. We know what texts to study, what poses to practice, how to be careful when attempting pranayama.  Below is one of the slokas from the Gita we discussed. It stuck with me because my relationship with my yoga practice has had it's ups and downs. At times I've failed, at times I just wanted to quit. There always seems to be something that pulls me in deeper,something inside longing to change.  

Bhagavad Gita 6:23-25

The practice of meditation frees one from all affliction. This is the path of yoga. Follow it with enthusiasm. Renouncing wholeheartedly all selfish desires and expectations, use your will to control the senses. Little by little, through patience and repeated effort, the mind will become stilled in the Self.

Fell off the wagon, how do I get back on?

Sometimes we say we are busy. What are we busy doing? Our minds get distracted. It is quiet moments like this that I savor. Then, voila! I pick up the sutras and get back on the ride of life.

Devki

This past weekend myself and many others were fortunate to study with Devki Desai.  In my humble opinion, she encompasses all that one should to share not only the teachings of the Iyengar family, but the Art of Yoga as a whole. We were all challenged physically, mentally, spiritually, rhythmically, and at the close of the last session we were left with a sense of calmness and balance.

 

This was her message this weekend,  to combine the physical and mental aspects of Yoga to cultivate a life of balance, Equanimaty.  Devki led us through a sequence given to students in Russia a few years ago by Guruji.  The sequence began with supported poses to reduce anxiety and despression in all of us.  Then she took us through more stabalizing poses that included seated postures that lent to length in the spine, stability, and maturity in standing poses. Then on to  pretty intense abdominal work, supported backbends and inversions to extend more intelligence to the sense of stability in our bodies and minds.

 

The last session is what I would call the "exorcisism" sequence.  It felt like I was right back at the Institute in Pune, India.  Devki explained that once a student with anxiety or despression or even  extreme stress gained a sense of relief and stability, the student should move and break up the rigidity. This last sequence was full of jumpings,  handstand variations, headstands, backward extensions, another handstand (which felt sooooo light!) then supported inversions and a long savasana.  The 3 hours of intense work require students to be aware,  alert, and most of all mature.  I would say 3 years ago I would have injured myself because of my ego being bruised that I could not do everything.  Now I find that I feel my body and mind are strong enough for the challenge, whether or not I am successful in the posture itself. I don't really mind that I have a ways to go in my practice.  It gives me something to look forward to, watching how Devki, 20 years older than me moves with a sense of freedom and joy and most of all love.

 

Dana and I with our beautiful teacher after the wedding Puja.

The Alter for the wedding Puja.

Look! Even Robert came!

Time

I am realizing time is just a thing. 

A funny thing that there is just not enough of some days. 

Time needed to write, to play, to learn. 

Does anyone know where I can buy some......