It's only time they say......

Sabbatical 

"...any extended absence in the career of an individual to achieve something. In the modern sense, one takes a sabbatical typically to fulfill some goal......."

This weekend began my 7 week journey of self discovery, growth, change, and hopefully a little fun. The purpose of this time and travel is to study, to absorb, and to learn how to be a better practitioner, teacher, and human being.  I fully realize how very fortunate I am to have this opportunity.  From my partner in life, to my parents, to students, and to mentors who along the way encourage me to follow my dreams and my heart I say a big thank-you.

Yesterday when I woke up I realized the position I was in.  A strange sensation crept over me when I realized the time has finally come. All the preparation is done.  A little fear,  a little excitement, and a little worry were all there bubbling away at the surface.  Wondering how I will do staying mostly alone in a place I am not all that familiar with.  Then travelling with someone I am just getting to know. To be away from my home, whats familiar and the people and pets I hold dear. 

I will continue to write when the moment arises.

Until then.......

Pluggin' away

Yesterday I saw a student at the a store I was shopping in.  I have not seen her in over 4 months. She asked what I was up to.  I said, "Well, I guess living?" I am not kidding, that was my sincere answer.  I asked her the same and I realized her "living" has also had its trials and tribulations.

When we ask people how they are, do we really want the truth or just the quick answer of "I'm fine, I'm great."  I am not sure anymore either. The world is a very strange place right now. It can be a scary, uncertain place. A place where if I were a kid I would say, "I want my mommy!" That could not have been more true as of lately.  I sometimes do just want to lie down and have my mom brush my hair, sooth me and say it will all be ok.  But alas, my mom lives 2000 miles away and facetime can only do so much.

In these uncertain times,  how do we soothe ourselves?  Where do we turn?  Who do we turn to?  God? Our Therapists? The Vizslas?

When I say uncertain times, I do not mean just the  obivious things we here about on NPR. I'm referring to the times in our lives where we are making life decisions, where our health may not be at its peak,  when we are loosing loved ones, when our pure happiness has dissappeard like its playing hide and seek but it found a really good hiding spot.

After speaking with a good friend yesterday, after she actually gave me back some of my own advice, again I am coming to the realization that it is within ourselves already. I know most of us know this, but when we are in the bowels of sadness and despair, it is a difficult pill to swallow when someone says it has been within you all along.  Especially when this jewell of wisdom has left your own mouth at one time.

I am sharing this only because I should of said to the person I saw yesterday, "I'm just plugging along, not at rapid ward speed, but I'm heading somewhere."

The End of Sorrow-The Bhagavad Gita for Daily Living-Eknath Easwaran

Hi.

Here I go again.  I think writing has been missing.  Letting myself be free to write, to sit, to listen. 

A couple months ago I made a big shift. I decided to free up 15-20 hours a week and not manage a yoga studio.  At first it was really weird, not being so busy, so stressed about the "business" part of yoga.  I am learning what to do with this time.  Making my home feel like a home again, a mission control if you will.  I am learning again what it is like to be a supportive wife, partner, friend, daughter.  There is now space to practice yoga, not just teach it, study it for a test,  but really be in it.

So, I guess the question now is.....what next.  Assessment over,  some life challenges over. 

The answer is just live. Stop planning every second.  Be in the moment.  What a concept.

Stop chasing your tail, it's still there.

The drive to get out of bed and live life can be hard to find some days.  Sometimes we need a little help. Not even from other people but from within. 

This morning I woke up with various ailments that seem to keep following me, or am I chasing them? I fed the vizslas  and promptly went back to bed, thinking to myself, "I deserve this.  I need this. I feel bad. Oh poor me."  Not pointing out the obvious, but wow am I self centered today!

We all feel these things, sadness, pain, heartache, fatigue, it can all be overwhelming at times.  Then when we least expect it, the fog lifts, the lens to the  soul and to the world outside ourselves becomes clearer. 

This is the real yoga, of course my opinion. It's not about how many asanas you can do, how accurately you can do them. It's not even about how many sutras you can memorize. It's about realizing the big picture. Whatever that is for you.  Maybe that big picture is recognizing that it's all there for you. Right inside all along!

What a discovery. (Insert smart ass face here)

Food for thought

I read this yesterday in the book of awakening. All day I thought of this. What a beautiful thing this passage was. I was encouraged to be more positive and to hold within myself a sense of peace. Now let's see if that can happen today too.

Today is the the day.....I swear.

It is funny,  I get up every Friday and say today is the day to write.  To share with the world my thoughts, my opinions, and whatever else may be on my mind. The last couple months I am not sure you would want to know either of the above.

So, today really was the day I wanted to get back on the horse of the cathartic writing wagon and get going again.

The last 3 days I have been inspired to awake early and practice.  I typically go for a walk, then barely have time for my inversions.  There are a couple people in particular who have inspired me to do this.  They seem to find the time to practice for 2-3 hours every day and never complain about how early they get up.  I have found the same to be true for myself. I have gotten up, gone to the mat and been pleasantly surprised of the outcome. I am not sluggish to get going. It is as if my body has been waiting for this!

I ask the question though, when do I do pranayama? The last year I have been doing pranayama faithfully every morning around 6:45am.  Do I do it before my practice? After?  I have played with both this week.  I guess it will just take some time to figure out the right time for me.

Happy Friday, Happy Halloween.

Peaceful Contentment and my short fuse....

I must admit that I have a temper.  A short fuse some would call it.  Only those who are quite close to me would have any inkling to it, they are the ones who are at the end of it.

It is funny, after all these years of yoga and study, I still fell like I am at the beginning of my process. The process of releasing myself from the material, the attachment for praise, the attachment to drama, the attachment to making more and more money.  It just seems so human, so real to be attached to these things.  Why must they make me miserable?  The more I strive, the worse I feel, the more angry I become because I don't have something or I cannot afford something.

It is no one but myself who gets to change this.  Every morning I wake up, go to the mat and do pranayama.  Some days still I get frustrated. Frustrated that I am up, frustrated that I cannot make my breath smooth enough, frustrated that my fingers still do not cooperate in digital pranayama. I stay the course and by the end I always feel better, the actions are always coming.  Little by little.
I keep thinking one of these days the breath will cleanse away all my anger and I will come out of the yoga room a new human, a more compassionate human, someone who does not get mad so easily.

Last year about this time I started reading the Bhagavad Gita.  I finished it quickly, realizing how amazing it really is.  Now I am on to The Bhagavad Gita for Daily Living, by Eknath Easwaran. There are 3 big volumes, the first entitled The End of Sorrow.  Wow! What a title! I think to myself.....this is it!  My answer to cure the anger, the resentment, and the sadness I feel. 

It may not be a quick fix, but I will tell you that it is helping. It helps to know I am human first of all.  Everyone gets mad, sad, some go into a hole and wallow, some of us want everyone around us to know how we really feel, we actually want them to feel it! Eknath Easwaran has a unique way of blending many different spiritual viewpoints to bring the Gita to life.  It is not just about one persons religion or another person's non-religion, he writes on how we can cultivate a sense of peace in ourselves and in the world.

This morning I got to the end of the first chapter and here is what he says,

 "When we meditate every morning we are putting on armor for the day's battle against our own impatience, inadequacy, resentment, and hostility. Of course, it is going to be extremely painful and distressing when we have to put all around us first and ourselves last, but at night when we go to bed there is such a fierce joy in the knowledge that we have contributed in some measure to the joy and growth of our family and community, even though we have suffered deeply ourselves......In inspiring words, Sri Krishna will rouse us to action by reminding us that our real Self is pure, perfect, and untainted, no matter what our past errors.  It does not matter what mistakes we may have committed or what trouble we may have brought on ourselves and others out of ignorance; if we surrender ourselves completely to the Lord of Love who is always present in the depths of our consciousness, we will discover that these mistakes never touched us. We can throw away the ugly ego mask at last if we will turn our face to the Lord, take to meditation, and do everything possible to bring peace and security to our world."