Pluggin' away

Yesterday I saw a student at the a store I was shopping in.  I have not seen her in over 4 months. She asked what I was up to.  I said, "Well, I guess living?" I am not kidding, that was my sincere answer.  I asked her the same and I realized her "living" has also had its trials and tribulations.

When we ask people how they are, do we really want the truth or just the quick answer of "I'm fine, I'm great."  I am not sure anymore either. The world is a very strange place right now. It can be a scary, uncertain place. A place where if I were a kid I would say, "I want my mommy!" That could not have been more true as of lately.  I sometimes do just want to lie down and have my mom brush my hair, sooth me and say it will all be ok.  But alas, my mom lives 2000 miles away and facetime can only do so much.

In these uncertain times,  how do we soothe ourselves?  Where do we turn?  Who do we turn to?  God? Our Therapists? The Vizslas?

When I say uncertain times, I do not mean just the  obivious things we here about on NPR. I'm referring to the times in our lives where we are making life decisions, where our health may not be at its peak,  when we are loosing loved ones, when our pure happiness has dissappeard like its playing hide and seek but it found a really good hiding spot.

After speaking with a good friend yesterday, after she actually gave me back some of my own advice, again I am coming to the realization that it is within ourselves already. I know most of us know this, but when we are in the bowels of sadness and despair, it is a difficult pill to swallow when someone says it has been within you all along.  Especially when this jewell of wisdom has left your own mouth at one time.

I am sharing this only because I should of said to the person I saw yesterday, "I'm just plugging along, not at rapid ward speed, but I'm heading somewhere."

The End of Sorrow-The Bhagavad Gita for Daily Living-Eknath Easwaran

Hi.

Here I go again.  I think writing has been missing.  Letting myself be free to write, to sit, to listen. 

A couple months ago I made a big shift. I decided to free up 15-20 hours a week and not manage a yoga studio.  At first it was really weird, not being so busy, so stressed about the "business" part of yoga.  I am learning what to do with this time.  Making my home feel like a home again, a mission control if you will.  I am learning again what it is like to be a supportive wife, partner, friend, daughter.  There is now space to practice yoga, not just teach it, study it for a test,  but really be in it.

So, I guess the question now is.....what next.  Assessment over,  some life challenges over. 

The answer is just live. Stop planning every second.  Be in the moment.  What a concept.

Stop chasing your tail, it's still there.

The drive to get out of bed and live life can be hard to find some days.  Sometimes we need a little help. Not even from other people but from within. 

This morning I woke up with various ailments that seem to keep following me, or am I chasing them? I fed the vizslas  and promptly went back to bed, thinking to myself, "I deserve this.  I need this. I feel bad. Oh poor me."  Not pointing out the obvious, but wow am I self centered today!

We all feel these things, sadness, pain, heartache, fatigue, it can all be overwhelming at times.  Then when we least expect it, the fog lifts, the lens to the  soul and to the world outside ourselves becomes clearer. 

This is the real yoga, of course my opinion. It's not about how many asanas you can do, how accurately you can do them. It's not even about how many sutras you can memorize. It's about realizing the big picture. Whatever that is for you.  Maybe that big picture is recognizing that it's all there for you. Right inside all along!

What a discovery. (Insert smart ass face here)